Local artist Sharon Lam shared her experience to support our spring fundraising appeal with hope that more people can receive compassionate end of life care and bereavement support. Her mother, Margaret Ng, spent the last six weeks of her life receiving care at home and at the Victoria Hospice Inpatient Unit. We’re grateful to Sharon for sharing her story.
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The bond between a mother and daughter is a precious one. My mother, Margaret, and I had that kind of bond – the kind that became even stronger during her cancer journey and hospice care.
If you have spent time with a loved one during their final days, you understand what the gift of time and comfort means to people who are grieving. That’s why I’m sharing my story and asking for you to support Victoria Hospice as well.
When we sold our family restaurant in 2007, Mom went back to school to become a unit clerk in the hospital. She worked in many units – the cardiovascular unit, the pain clinic and hospice. She loved caring for others and always went out of her way to be kind. When Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer in 2014, we were shocked and devastated.
Mom bravely fought through rounds of chemotherapy and radiation for five years. Some days, you couldn’t even tell she was sick. That’s why in 2019, when the doctors told us the chemotherapy was no longer effective and that she only had weeks left to live, I didn’t believe them. It was such a shock. But as someone who had worked at hospice, Mom was prepared for the next step.
We had spent months in and out of the ER, but once we moved to hospice, Mom was able to go home. This would have been impossible if not for the support from the Palliative Response Team to help with pain and symptom management. It took the hard work of an entire army of doctors, nurses, and her counsellors to keep Mom comfortable.
You see, during those last six weeks together while Mom was in hospice and at home, we took our time cooking and eating, painting, listening to music, and looking at old photo albums. On Mom’s good days, we created new memories by going on adventures around Victoria and listened to her stories recounting her wonderful life. What a blessing it was to have this time together filled with love, gratitude, and appreciation.
This gift of time together was made possible because of the special services provided by Victoria Hospice. I cannot express enough how important this was to our family.
Throughout her illness, Mom fought hard to continue living life on her own terms. She loved watercolour painting and never let her illness stop her from doing what she loved. She had always encouraged me as an artist, and only Mom could inspire me to start a project during a time when everything felt like it was ending.
The day after Mom was transferred to the Inpatient Unit, I began drawing all of our favourite places – our old family restaurant, the coffee shop down the street or the soccer field behind our house. I wanted to celebrate and show her how grateful I was for the life she had built for us. Towards the end, when it felt like there was nothing left that we could do for her, I learned to just be there with her and enjoy our final moments together.
Since Mom left us in December 2019, the bereavement counselling I received from Victoria Hospice really helped me. I can’t imagine where I’d be without it. I’ve continued drawing our favourite places and realized every day that our happiest memories happened in our places. They’re in the lazy trails we would hike together on Sunday afternoons, the restaurants we would rush to eat at before work, and the church steps we’d sit on to eat ice cream and talk about our dreams.
Perhaps you have a special memory of your mother, or another loved one in your life. If so, I hope my story reminds you of happy times spent with them.
With Mother’s Day right around the corner, I hope you will consider making a donation to Victoria Hospice in tribute to the mothers and caregivers who nurture us. Your gift will help other families create lasting memories when time matters most.
Margaret’s daughter, Sharon Lam