Grief can be a lonely experience. But feelings of isolation can be even worse when stigma surrounds the death of a loved one.
While everyone’s grief is unique, connecting with others who can relate is important, Bereavement Counsellor Heidi Wigmore says.
Heidi facilitates a support group for people who are grieving a loved one who has died by suicide.
“When there’s a real or perceived judgment around a death, or even more discomfort than usual from others, it adds to the bereaved person’s suffering,” she says. “This support group connects people who understand on a fundamental level what the experience of suicide loss is like.”
That’s what Karen Meyer found in the group after the death of her older brother, Peter.
“Not to feel alone in this type of loss was very healing,” she says. “It’s not always easy to talk about suicide, and it was good to have that safe space – a sacred space, I would say, to honour the people we lost and their lives.”
Peter was 54 when he died on May 12, 2022. He was a husband, a father, and a cherished family member.
“I try not to shy away from speaking about him and his death, because mental health – and men’s mental health – is such an important topic.”
Sharing openly about the wholeness of who the person who died is an important part of the group experience. Although there is space to explore the nature of the death as suicide, this is simply one piece of the story explored in the group. A person is grieved and remembered for all parts of their life and story within the group and participants are encouraged to do so outside the group as well.
“I feel a tremendous empathy for the people in the group. And empathy of course for the people who died, wonderful human beings, husbands and fathers and friends. How sad it is that this has happened, and they didn’t get the help they needed, or because they didn’t reach out,” Karen says.
“And yet here we were, reaching out, all these people in the suicide loss support group. Supporting each other because we can – and that’s what we all need to do when we’re hurting. And wouldn’t it be great if everyone, and men in particular, didn’t feel the stigma of asking for help.”
The Suicide Loss Support Group is supported by generous donors and community grants. The next session starts in October 2023. To learn more, please contact Bereavement Services at 250-519-3040 or hospice.bereavement@islandhealth.ca. If you or your loved one are struggling with your mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out. One option is the 24/7 Vancouver Island Crisis Line at 1-888-494-3888.