Unlike the moth, which symbolizes nocturnal transformation and shadow work, the firefly represents something different—joy, brief radiance and a special kind of hope that only shows up in the dark. It doesn’t transform the darkness. It illuminates it, moment by moment, flash by flash.
In October 2019, four individuals who had never met arrived at Victoria Hospice for the first session of a Fall Bereavement Journal Group. Each had recently lost their significant other and had been receiving individual counselling to support them with their grief. None of them knew exactly what to expect but each found comfort in the fact that the group might help them to process their emotions in a safe space with others who had experienced a similar loss. They shared their stories, cried, smiled and laughed at the sweet memories of their late partners and much more.
Seven years after that fateful day, they are still supporting each other as they move through their grief. They call themselves “The Fireflies”, maintaining a deep friendship that still helps illuminate the sometimes unpredictable darkness of grief.
Finding people who understand what it feels like
Diane’s partner, who had cancer, died the previous June. Diane was finding the transition difficult and was concerned that she was unable to cry. Her Victoria Hospice counsellor suggested that she might benefit from a group session that provided an opportunity to connect with others who found themselves in the same experience.
Micha had lost his wife in December 2018 and joined the same journal group. “I wanted something small, something tactile,” he says. “There were only eight of us in the group and everybody had the safe space to be very raw, very vulnerable.”
It was less than a year before the group began that Joanne’s husband had died on the winter solstice. She found that her grief was all consuming and sought support from Victoria Hospice to process her emotions and learn to move through the world without him. “Part of taking care of yourself,” she says, “is finding bereavement groups and people who understand. People who have not lost a life partner have a limited understanding of what you are going through.”
Jeannie also sought counselling after the death of her husband earlier that year when the sadness she felt would not go. “I was hoping to at least meet a few people who knew what I was going through,” she says. “Boy did I get more than I ever thought possible.”
“We were able to speak openly without the need to share any back story. Slowly it became apparent that it was possible through grieving in a safe space that you eventually experience a transition where memories move from sadness to joy. These wonderful people were fundamental to that shift.”
“You can always talk about it. There are no apologies; no excuses,” says Joanne. “To this day, my grief is still with me but my life has expanded with the birth of my grandchildren. I have learned to co-exist with grief while experiencing new. The Fireflies helped me to see that.”
On the last day of the 8-week session, the facilitator passed around a piece of paper for anyone who wanted to continue meeting up independently. All four signed up, and the rest is history.
Hiking together ignites a group name
The global pandemic suddenly changed the world shortly after the journal group ended, but the four kept in touch online and by phone. In May 2020, Diane suggested that the friends get together to walk in the COVID-modified Hike for Hospice, a safe-distancing event around Rithet’s Bog in Saanich near the Victoria Hospice Community Support Centre. Walking together in the fresh air confirmed that their mutual connection was still going strong. The group named themselves “The Fireflies”, representing their united journey bringing light into the darkness of their grief. Their deep friendship continues to grow, almost seven years to the day after they first met.
“The four of us know we are always there for each other, no matter what. There is a level of trust and lack of judgement that is hard to wrap your head around,” says Joanne. “I trust these three people completely and know that there is absolutely nothing I can’t share with them.”
Micha adds, “With the Fireflies I can talk as much as I want about my late wife, my experiences with grief and the process of going forward, and they understand. Our friendship is a rare treasure. We are all grateful to Hospice for their support through our grief and ultimately bringing us together.”
Jeannie agrees. “The saving grace is that you always know the four of us are connected, and any one of us can reach out at any moment. They will be there. It’s a friendship based in amazing care. We’ve watched each other grow in spite of what we’ve been through. We can talk about everything. Or nothing. True friendship. There is never any kind of obligation to carry on the conversation. Sometimes we just walk in silence and it just feels right. And a bit lighter.”
For these Fireflies, that’s more than enough.
For more information about upcoming bereavement groups and workshops, visit our Events Page